In which I want to post but I have no idea what to post about.

Yo people of the internet!

Guess what today was!

Well yes, it was the first day of Spring. It was also the day Catholics celebrate the feast of St. Joseph, Foster Father of Jesus Christ. (His feast day was yesterday but because he's such a big Saint, if it falls on a Sunday the Church gives it it's own day of celebration.) This means we got to have a little relief from the Lenten penitence. For me and my sisters this involved the skipping of a meal so we could partake of tea-cakes and coffee at eight thirty at night.

We DeLallo's sure get crazy with our feasting. Lol. We all worked late so that was about as much as we could manage.

I've no idea what to post about guys. I am sooooo tired. I was on a energy high last night and didn't get to sleep 'till some creeping hour after midnight. I got a little writing done though, and that was excellent! Life goals and all that. I had so many goals this year. *siiiiiiigh* My goals are not working out. Granted, it's only March but as far as 2017 goes I've gotten off to a rough start, creative-wise. It's especially annoying when I actually try to be creative and my creative juices won't flow. I think some of it has to do with how sick I've been these past few months, and not sleeping well. No rest means no creativity. Unless it's 3:00 AM. Then your mind wakes up sure and steady!

I don't know if anyone else has this problem, but do you ever get super excited about a certain story and you can see the whole finished product in your head like a beautiful masterpiece, but when you start work on it you think that maybe you can't actually write this beautiful story?

That is what's been happening to me. 8-P

JUST GET IT DONE BELLA.

What I want to do is take a long walk with my notebook. I want to sit in nature until my mind remembers to what creative is. Maybe I'll do that this weekend. It's been too long since I've climbed a tree. Now that Spring is here I'm feeling much more friendly toward the wilderness. I'm more of an outdoor person in the warm months than in the cold. Call me whimpy if you want. There isn't a lot to do in the snow. Once Spring sets in I'm like "YAAAAAAS. TREES! ROOFS! LIGHT! SUN! LIFE!"

I want to go swimming, but it's not quite that warm out yet. Sadly. 8-( I think swimming would help my back. It's been acting up lately.

With that random bit of information out of the way, here is a Japanese* song I've been obsessed with these past few months. I'm trying to learn it for singing class. Unfortunately the only copy you can find on Youtube that isn't pitched is the one performed live. The guy who sings it is a bit weird so feel free to ignore him. Don't judge until you read the lyrics. They're sad. 8-(

*Yes I said Japanese. It's was one of the opening songs in Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood and I love it.

READ LYRICS HERE:

 My favorite line is in the fifth verse: 

You, who gave me a new start by your consolations,   and the hateful and cowardly me.

It’s about time… Fumbling, my troubles spill down my tired cheeks

There is something beautifully sad about that line. It reminds me of a person who has tried his/her absolute hardest and had it all backfire on them. It also reminds me of that feeling you get when you've succeeded but at a heavy price. Like Frodo at the top of Mount Doom, knowing the Ring is destroyed but he will never be the same. It make me more determined then ever to write good characters who face intense moral dilemma's and painful sacrifices, but they still do what's right. However scared and weak they feel, they do the better thing. The noble, hard thing. Being a good person doesn't make your decisions any easier. Usually it makes them harder. I want readers like me to have more characters to relate to. Not just morally grey people who sometimes do the right thing, but actually good people sticking to their values, however hard. Contrary to popular belief, Good doesn't mean Flat. It's much harder to be Good than Grey.

Sometimes Japanese lyrics are deep and they help me write. I need to draw inspiration from wherever I can get it. I don't even care if it's weird. This song is beautiful. 

Ooooh. Now I have an idea about a song review. Or analogy. Or talk? Something like that. A "Lyrics in relation to the writing/inspiration" thing. That's sounds interesting.

On that note, I'm off. It's almost eleven here and I have to get to bed.

*swings around cape and leaps off stage*

Bella

Like a Lamb Came the Messiah, Christ the King!

and He chose to walk that road, out of His love for you and me

Good Friday is drawing to a close. It has been a (very) long and somber day but now as the day stretches toward evening the feeling of mourning begins to ebb away and in it's place, an anticipation takes root. For soon now, Christ the King will Rise and our Faith will be known to all to be true.

Good Friday is a hard day for me. It always has been. I know it is be beautiful and a show of immense love and without it we wouldn't be saved so we should take some joy in it, but for me it isn't easy to see it that way. Good Friday and Lent in general holds some hard memories for me, and the penitential time itself is very solemn.

This year I wanted to do something to actually commemorate the day. I tried to write some poetry, or even song lyrics in honour of Christ's death, but all of my scribbling turned out wrong and finally I gave up. I have wanted to write a story about the Good Thief for a long time and thought today was the perfect day to try it, but the thoughts in my head didn't inscribe well on paper so I gave up on that too. After that I tried to draw something pretty so I could sketch lyrics next to it, but drawing and I have little to no relationship so that failed.

Basically I was not creative today 8-) but I did try very  hard to be.

I figured I ought to post SOMETHING though, so finally I pulled out some lyrics I wrote yesterday (or maybe it was the day before?) It is kind of a Lent/Easter type of song I guess. I hope you like it.

There is More Than This

Life can be so lonely, I know how suffering weighs
Its hard to look down and see so much pain and fear 
it's hard to look around and see eyes filled with tears. 

(refrain)

Look up. Look up! There is more to life than this
Look up. Look up! don't stare down anymore
Look up and see the stars, Look up and see the light. 
There is more than this

There's a world on the horizon
A place where grief can't touch you
That's  where we're journeying to
That's where we belong.

(refrain)

There's a place for us, full of beauty and Joy

The Road there is harsh and stony. 

But when you're lonely, oh when you're lonely

Do as I do... 

Look Up. Look up! Don't stare down anymore

Look up, look up, there is something greater

The road is full of enemies, battles with high costs

But darling you have angels on your right side

and all of heaven watching about

*refrain*

Look up. Look up! There is more than this. 

Look up. Look up! You're King awaits

And when your time comes, He will take you home. 

Remember when all else fails, that You are His. 

Those are my lyrics. This post is super late and I am tired. I hope you all had a Good Friday and in case I don't post before then, I wish you all a happy Easter. Peace out y'all!

*slides off car*

Bella

Whazzup Bloggers! It's only been a couple of days!

GUUUUUUUUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today I got my first book published!!!!!!!!!!!!



LOL APRIL FOOLS!

Hiddleston Laughing

I said that I would explain my semi-break from the Internet. Here is my explanation. I had family that came up at the end of March and we were so busy having fun that I forgot I had a blog. I was too busy!! On that note, my sister and brother-in-law might be able to move into our area so they are only about an hour away from us, and HOW COOL WOULD THAT BE?? you must pray about it 8-D

Anyway, that is my excuse.

How has it been all you all? I guess I have been just as lazy about blogging as I have about writing. *squirms a bit* I would say "I have no tiiiiiime." in a whiny voice, but that isn't exactly true. I have time. I'm just lazy. Too lazy to be creative. creativity is exhausting. So is world building. Don't you hate the word why? That word drive me nuts.

So this queen is super evil -

But why?

Well she became that way after her dad died.

But why??

Because her daddy was evil.

BUT WHY?

Because he had an unhealthy desire to take over the world.

But why?

Because -

But why??

*smashes why and crumbles it and laughs*

I've been doing some world-building. In case you didn't catch on. I actually really love world-building. It is one of my favorite parts of writing. The problem is I love it a little too much. I always want to do more, build more, make more history and more reasons and more layers and the big four!(what where when why..) It get hung up on the details and its really bad.

There is a story I decided to work on a few months ago. It is about a Father and a son who go on a quest, and they have cool names. The father is Killian and the son is Cyril and they are both a lot of fun to write. It is a really good story, I think, and I am excited about it. But it is going to take a TON of world-building. Everything about the world, Firian, excites me. It is a whole country, a whole civilization of people and there is all this magic and mystery and I LOVE it. I want to write about it this month but I feel like I still don't have enough history behind my story.

Soooo.... Maybe I will work on my Baxter story instead.

It has been difficult for me to write.  I know I keep coming back to this but writing is really hard. I didn't realize what I was getting myself into when I decided to be a writer. Its hard and emotional and it means a huge commitment. It kind of terrifies me, but at the same time, I love it. I love it so much.

Sometimes if I am too tired to write I end up scrolling out lyrics to random songs. Lyrics come easily to me when I'm tired. I've started a sort of collection and I decided I was going to be brave and share one with you. It was greatly inspired by the character Cyril in my book. I hope you all like it 8-)

"CLOCKWORK HEART"

There is cold under my Skin

And Ice in My Chest

I've been hollowed out

I've lost myself. 

(refrain)

Tick-tock, my clockwork heart, tick tock, on rusty hinges

Tick-tock, In the dark

My Clockwork Heart ticks On

I never knew breathing could be so hard

i never knew that fighting could be such an effort

and now I'm here, oh so alone

and even my love has betrayed me. 

You don't Know what a gift Feelings are.

Until you are robbed of them All

(refrain)

It's getting now, for my gauges to move

My strength is trying to wither
Can I stay strong somehow,  
oh, can I survive the winter?

I won't surrender yet! I will dig myself free

My clockwork heart will  beat again

Beat and destroy me.

(refrain)

Tick-tock, my clockwork heart, tick tock, on rusty hinges

Tick-tock, In the dark

My Clockwork Heart ticks On

Tick-tock, my clockwork heart; is it beating now? 

Tick-tock, my clockwork heart - wait! *dumdum*

I hear a sound.

There! I shared that instead of a snippet. Today starts CampNaNo and I think I am have lots to do, so I have to bid you all farewell. Peace out y'all!!!

*slides off car*

Bella

Looking back

I've been thinking a lot about last year. 2014. The rollercoaster of months that screamed together into one long blur of color and wild insanity. It was.... something else, and that's an understatement. I didn't do a New Year's Post this year because I literally had no idea how to approach my feelings on last year. Still, it's been on my mind what with it being the month of January and having my Birthday and Epiphany and everything. And I scribbled something out on paper and I decided I could share it with you, if nothing else, to share with you what my 2014 was like. Because.... Sometimes bad things happen. Really bad things. And sometimes good things happen. And sometimes there are little pockets of perfection and sometimes nothing works and you want to throw an appalling tantrum like you're back to being two and not getting your own way. (Yeeeees. This feeling overcomes be pretty often.) Life is complicated. And stupid. And wonderful. And so, so frustrating.

What it comes down to is this. I wrote a song that kind of sums up everything that happened last year. (I know. So original, right?) I don't know exactly how it flows yet. I don't know if it will ever be a finished or revised. I just know what it means to me. And I hope you like it. Take not that it isn't actually finished yet. It's a working progress.

It happened So Fast

Like a montage on the silver screen

WE stood on the end, then it was the beginning

And we held our breath, and we let it go

And we did it again. 

And again. 

It was a blurr of color, the past

it was a taste of wild insanity 

and words we can't take back. 

And when it was over and all the dust settled

All that was left was screaming silence

Refrain: 

Because it started out so right

And it ended up so wrong

Everything was working, then everything fell apart

And we all we had were good intentions so how did it go so bad? 

With all our best intentions, we carved the word sad

Dead Calm. Have you ever heard dead calm?

It's that quiet that only comes after a break. 

And we broke! How we broke!

The Calm was overwhelming

The words unspoken left us drowning

And when all sound was finished

And the anger was left raw

Were were left with one emotion

Dead calm.

Maybe bridge?

Some things have been mended too many times

some things are beyond fixing, their cracks go to deep

but if the walls could come down and let the light in 

maybe we would have a chance

just a little chance

if you'd let me in.

Just let me in. 

One more time.

Can we just try one more time?

Refrain. 

(Ending Verse?)

Just a little chance

if you'd let me in.

Just let me in. 

One more time.

Would it be so hard, to try one more time

Wouldn't it be worth it....

wouldn't it be worth it?

I'm still working on lyrics and I have a verse I'm trying to add in but this is what I have so far. So.... What do you think? Do you think its good? Great? Wonderful? You likey??? WELL?? DO YA?? 

Dory

Guys I am sooooo tired right now. I have to get off and read or something. Before I do though, I have a question. How many of you actually want copies of my books, and how would you feel about an auction? THIS SCARES ME TO ASK! REALLY SCARES ME! But if I know people like it enough maybe I can try marketing/publishing. THAT SCARES ME TO SAY TOO. 

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This post is falling apart. 

I should go. 

I will hopefully post a new snippet tomorrow. 

I hope you liked my lyrics. 

PEACE OUT Y'ALL!!!

*slides off car*

Bella

Tag + Soldier

So Jack over at However Improbable tagged me with the Writing Process Blog Tour! She didn't list any rules so I am just going to do as she did and start talking about my book and do the tag!!! (Pst: On the topic of books and tags pop over to 'Till the End of the Line and read all about our new Space book!!)

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1.) What am I working on?

I have several ideas I am juggling right now but at the moment but the book I am focusing on is the Sequel to my book Splintered Courage, which is called Broken Trust.
2.) How does my work differ from others of its genre?

Um, I'm not entirely sure. I suppose the style is very different than most, and so is the style and how I present the story, almost like its in second person. Unlike most fantasies that seem to feature a boy and a girl falling in love, mine is very much centered on friendships and how far loyalty can go, and how to regain trust once it is lost.

3.) Why do I write what I do?
Oh, lots of reasons. I love fantasy and there is something very exciting about being able to tell stories happening in a different world. Also, being able to write friendships has always been something I've wanted to do. (This is why most of my other story ideas our friendship-based, not romantic.)

4.) How does my Writing Process work?I've only been a Real Writer for like, five months, so bare with me here.

I lay sprawled out on my bed, or in a ball on the couch, or outside on the lawn and stare at my blank page, chewing a pencil or staring at my keys, wondering how to start. Then, if its a bad day, I will write for about twenty minutes, on and off, stop for a break, come back, write a bit longer, scroll through pinterest, write, watch youtube videos, attempt to write.... do pinterest some more... stare.... Then slam the computer closed and cry.

if its a good day I can write for a few hours with hardly a break and get lots done. I just need water. and apples cause writing makes me really hungry.


Somehow through all of this I present a story.

DONE!!!!!!!!!!

Well that was a short tag wasn't it? I was expecting this long, long ordeal but it was nice and short. Because I love all of you I am gonna let you hear current favorite song! This is what I've been listening to for the past week because it helps inspire me with my boys. (I might randomly do this every now and then. Hope you don't mind.)

I'll get it if you need it

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I'll search if you don't see it

source

you're thirsty I'll be rain

source

you get hurt I'll take your pain

source

I know you don't believe it

source

but I said it and I still mean it

source

when you heard what I told you

source

when you get worried I'll be your soldier.

source

I'm going to watch Julie and Julia now, and have cake cause it's my Mommy's birthday and cake is a must on birthdays. Be back soonish - hopefully with an ALL MY FEELS Prison Break post. (Which I am working on, by the way.) PEACE OUT YA' LOSERS!

*slides off car*

Bella

In which I share lyrics.

This is going to be kind of quick, but... Here's the thing. I've been doing too much editing. And I cried last night because my book isn't half done anymore. And I don't really want to write at the moment because I did something terrible and now when I try to write I cry. Which sucks. So last night, while editing, I pulled up a song I was working on a few days ago. I was inspired to finish it and now I have all the lyrics written out. Its still kind of rough, and I feel really self-conscious doing this, but oh well. I'm going to share the song with you! O.o And Because I'm a freak, I'm going to post fandom pictures along side the lyrics, because my fandoms were what started the song in the first place.

I Present Nothing Left To Take - (For lack of a better title at the moment)

The World Falls Into Darkness, The Stars show no more Light

The Pain and Loss start sinking in, And grief Blinds your sight

All Hell Breaks Loose

I can hear you in the silence, I can Feel you in the Dark

My destiny, It Haunts Me, My weakness It Does Mock.

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But the Demons in the Shadows, Should know before they Attack
I have nothing left to lose, And nowhere to turn back.

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So Break Me, I wont Shatter!

Cut me, I won't Bleed!

Tear Me, I won't rip apart!

I Know I'm not a hero, I know What I have Done

But here I am, You can't defeat Me,

I have already Won!

Swan Song

You can't take Away, When There's Nothing Left To Take

You can't break a Spirit, When there's Nothing Left to Break

So do Your Worst, Take Your Shot

I'll Stand it all, I wont be stopped!!

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Divide Me

Conquer me,

Take Every Piece of My Heart.



I'm Desperate, I'm ashamed, I have No One Else To Blame

I Know I'm no Hero, But Maybe,

Maybe I can Be Saved. 

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I'm Just a Wounded Soldier, A Warrior with No Sword

But if You know My Name, then Perhaps You have heard!!! -

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You can Break Me, I wont Shatter!

Cut me, I won't Bleed!
Tear me, I won't Rip apart.
I won't Rip
Apart.



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That's the rough gist of it. I know it has a lot to be brushed up on, especially the ending, but I felt its good enough to share with all of you .... and maybe ask for feedback? I did this mostly to challenge myself. I have a lot of trouble opening up and letting my writing be read by anyone other than VERY CLOSE family, and even they don't often get peaks at it. So this is my way of making myself share my work. (This is also my way of trying to psych myself up to sharing snippets. LOL.)

What do you think? Too bland? Too cliché? Or... Amazing? I'd love some thoughts.

This is so scary.

This makes me so nervous.

I don't like this.

I need to go before I delete this post.

BYE!!!!

~Ben The Robot~



It comes slow, and It Goes so Fast

Its my 100th post you guys!!!

Thank you, all of you, for sticking with me, for putting up with my fangirling, my ridiculous rants and my crazy ramblings. I really appreciate it. 

This is going to be a quick post, but I needed to share this with you, espcially those who were nice enough to send links after my last post ------- I saw Season Three of Sherlock!!!! Yep, all three episodes in a week! I'd call that a bit of a Sherlock overload. I was - I am - on a Sherlock High.

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It. Was. Freakin'. AMAZING!!!! Moffat really delivered on this one, I have to admit. There wasn't a moment I was overwhelmed with fangirly emotion. It was beyond good. It was.... it was... Spectaculacular!

I was in love with Sherlock and John from their first scene together. I didn't realize how much I missed them until suddenly, there they were!! My favorite consulting Detective and War Doctor back together to battle the world! And, as always, They were remarkable and complicated and brilliant. Friendship stories man, I can't get enough of them. I found myself instantly liking Mary. She is sweet and funny and she is a brilliant match for John and I love that she and Sherlock got along - She was altogether just perfect. The season was perfect. There's nothing like being deprived of Sherlock for a few months to send you over the edge. Its hard though, because even as your watching, you realize its coming to end and its hardly started. The Sherlock Fandom is on a Hiatus 95% of the time. Which means coming off hiatus is a bit much for us....

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Poor Sherlockians. Why do I always pick the mental fandoms? I think Sherlock is the worst of all though. My other fandoms might be more traumatizing or have more sad episodes, but Sherlock is evil because it flits in for three weeks, messes with your mind and emotions, sends you insane, and then leaves you with a cliff-hanger for a couple years while you freak out waiting for the next season promo. If the waiting doesn't drive you mad then the return will. The real question though, is was the season worth the wait? ..........

.....
.....

.....

.....

I'd say yes. None of the episodes were at all disappointing and Sherlock's returning from the dead was AMAZING! This season had a different feel, but it was different in a good way and I really loved it. John is my hero. Mary is clever and funny. Sherlock is ridiculous but you can't help but love him and sometimes he can be really sweet. He almost made me cry in one of the episodes. He's more... human this time too. I think having to leave John for all that time and having to go into hiding made him realize how much he took for granted. He missed Baker Street. He missed having a home. He missed his friends and he missed being alive. but most of all he missed John Watson, his best and greatest friend. And I firmly believe those years of isolation have brought out the softer side ofSherlock. I quite liked that.

Oh my gosh, I miss Sherlock already, and its only been a few days!! There is a rumor though, that Season 4 is suppose to return Christmas 2014. That's right. This YEAR. 

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I'm not to get my hopes up because this is Moffat, and Moffat lies, but if we really get two seasons in the same year I will be one very ecstatic fangirl. 

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I'll leave you with one of my favorite songs. It reminds me a lot of Sherlock and John and just the season Finale on a whole. I almost cried when I listened to it with them in mind.....

It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't
It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed
Some prayers find an answer,  Some prayers never know
We're holding on, And Letting Go 

John + Mary

 

 

Sherlock, John & Mary



 

 

That's all till next time!

 

God Bless!

~Bella

"Duran Duran, one of my favourites. Come on." "I'm not singing a song."

Today Is Day 8 of the 30-Day-Song-Challenge. And I need to do a song I know all the words to. There are many songs that I can sing all the way through and many of them have something to do with an "ANGEL OF MUSIC!!!....." but I decided to take this opportunity to post a song I've recently heard and learnt. It is really pretty. I love the plinking.

Safe in My Arms

Castles they might crumble, Dreams may not come true,

But you are never all alone, 'Cause I will always

Always love you....

I'm a little bit in love with this song, It reminds me of warm meadows and fairies and sparks of magic flying through the air, and the songs of dragons, far beneath the world. I just get a warm, golden-y feeling when I hear it, I don't really know why. I find it beautiful :-D

 Also, a heads up. Thursday is the LAST DAY you can join in my giveaway for the Fandom pins. If anyone did my tag and forgot to tell me, now is the time to post a nice little comment and get your name out there. If anyone still wants to do the tag, hurry to it and Enter! because your Time. Is. Running. Out.

I'll be back with a fun post soon - maybe on Saturday when I have more time to be ridiculous.

God Bless!

~Bella

Clouds will rage in/ Storms will race in/ But you will be safe in my arms/ Rains will pour down/ Waves will crash around/ But you will be safe in my arms

I'm just resting and thinking and humming to myself; hmhmhmhmhm

I think Thursday's are my least favorite day of the week. Especially when ones been hungry since after breakfast and can't find anything with which to sustain oneself. I've been walking in and out of the kitchen all day, opening cupboards and peering in shelves then restlessly moving away, only to return and re-open the refrigerator. This is done a few times, as if food will magically appear for you. But finally you let out a resigned sigh as you realize your refrigerator is NOT magical and never will be. So then you mutter to yourself, close the door, chew on your lip and open the nearest cupboard only to find they aren't magical either. Most depressing. So you drift your way outside start hunting for pine nuts. 

I'm very ready for dinner

To distract myself I decided to post my Day-Three-Song-Challenge song. This is a song that makes you happy. I've chosen "Breathless" by Shayne Ward. It is so sweet! :)

 

I only Hope That I'll one Day deserve What you Give Me

But All I can Do is Try. Every day of my life...

Isn't that the most beautiful song You've ever heard? it makes me feel so happy inside, especially the bit in the middle when he says "I still can't believe that you're mine...." that is the such a brilliant line. :)

Okay, before I toddle off I want to apologize for the shortness of my posts lately. truth is, Nothing much is going on for me. Just school. And who wants to blog about school? And when I'm not doing school I'm acting or writing out scenes for my play. Or sporadically obsessing over random TV shows. And when I'm not doing that I'm having sudden freak out moods due to Fictional Trauma. People ask me what I do all day and I'm like....

Oh you know.... Study. Blog. Pin. Sleep.  The Usual boring stuff. Nothing at all weird.

Little they know right?  

I have so much more fun than all you peasants. I have fandoms

Now I will go. GERONIMO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~Bella

You leave me breathless/You're everything good in my life/ You leave me breathless/ I still can't believe that you're mine/ You just walked out of one of my dreams/ So beautiful you're leaving me/ Breathless