Starting May 10th I will be hosting a CIVIL WAR BLOG PARTY ON MY BLOG! It will last a week and explore all sorts of themes!!!
whose side are you on?
You kind of have to see the movie in order to participate in this Blog Party. However I, Kind Blogger that I am, gave you some breathing room. As long as you post during May and link back to me you can still participate in my fun!!!
I am still figuring out the rules, but I will post Days/Themes by the end of the month. If any of you have ideas for this blog party to throw my way, go right ahead! I am really flexible and we can even lengthen thing if we have to. 8-)
ISN'T THIS EXCITING??? I AM SUPER EXCITED!
I had so many goals this year guys. One of them was to start Vlogging. *laughs* Okay. There is actually a good reason why I haven't done this. My camera was sort of borrowed long-term and I haven't had the ability to film myself in months. I want to try and get my camera back in May, and then start Vlogging. I think it would be really great for me to have an outlet besides writing. I love writing, but so often acting out scenes helps me to write. I want to attempt short skits, maybe tell some of my short stories, and even the stories that are just about me and my crazy life. I wan to do stage-acting and Broadway-acting, but I also want to be like a bard, a storyteller. That is something that is so rare right now, and I would HATE to see it die. If I could have a little stage and a story to tell, complete with acting, I'd be happy. I want that. I just want to be on stage. I want to tell stories because I am part of the stories. It isn't an easy dream, but it's one I want to try for, if I can.
I could use a few prayers in these next month. I have to take my drivers test in the summer, and I would really like to pass... so prayers would be really welcome.
I want to get back into proper blogging too. I am getting super rusty.
ANYWAY! Have a lovely week. Do lots of fun stuff. Be safe and God bless! PEACE OUT Y'ALL!!!
I don't know if most Frodo-hate comes from the books or the movies. I know people who have read the books and still don't like him, so I think its a little bit of both. Either way, Frodo is severally put down and criticized by a great majority of the LOTR fandom. A lot of people have described him as selfish, disloyal, begrudging, self-absorbed and 'whiny.' People think he put way too much on Sam's shoulders and took his friend for granted the whole journey to Morder. They act like all he did was complain and act like the whole world owed his something for taking on the ring. This is not true. I think Frodo was very patient and long-suffering under the circumstances, and can we take a minute to remember that Frodo is carrying the one ring to Mount Doom? He has a lot he has to deal with and he has several chances to just give up but he never does. He keeps going, even when he feels like he's dying, even when he feels like the ring is slowly crushing him and he can't see. And I think its sad everyone hates him for that, for being brave and taking a stand because he was the only one who could.
One thing I do know is that a big source of Frodo-hate is the fact that he trusted Smeagol over Sam and turned his back on his friend. This did not happen in the book and while I don't like that Peter Jackson put it in the movie, I think people need to remember IT WAS NOT FRODO. Frodo would never have told Sam to leave if he was in his right mind. That "Go Home Sam," was the Dark Lord speaking, not Frodo. And notice that Frodo regrets his actions almost instantly. He doesn't even understand why he did it. That's the influence of the ring, not Frodo.
For Movies
Thor. I'm not sure if people actually HATE him or if they are so stuck on Loki they just don't care, but he seems to be very beaten down. People seem to forget that he is the hero and Loki is the bad guy and I don't think its fair. Thor is COOL. He's brave. He's strong. He has a great character ark and he always tries to do what's right, even when its hard. And he doesn't give up on his brother, even when Loki doesn't deserve his loyalty. I think he deserves more appreciation then he gets.
For a TV Show
This one is the hardest because I watch so many TV shows. I feel like I have to narrow it down to 'most recent' so that's what I'm going to do. I almost did Sam Winchester, but if then I remembered if there is anyone who is more hated then Sam, its John. So I'm doing John.
99% of all Supernatural fans hate John Winchester. And I mean HATE. They do nothing but bash him and they turn everything he does into something bad and make him seem evil. I'm going to vent a little here: John wasn't evil. He made mistakes. He didn't always do the right thing. He was too hard on both his boys, especially Dean and there were times when he did things that made me really mad. But he wasn't evil.
John lost his wife, Mary, to a demon when Dean was four and spent the rest of his life terrified he'd lose his sons the same way. So he dedicated his life to hunting down evil and finding the thing that killed Mary. The catch is, once you become a hunter there is no going back. Once you're a hunter you either fight or die, because there is no way to escape the monsters once you know they're out there. You can't get out of the life. Some have tried and they'll all dead. There is no leaving. John was hard on his kids because knew his life was dangerous and he wanted to make sure they could protect themselves if they needed to. He wasn't a tyrant. He wasn't abusive. He wasn't manipulative or mentally unstable. He was a broken man who did his best in a terrible situation. And don't you dare tell me he didn't love his boys, because he DID. He sacrificed his life to save Dean and he would have done the same for Sam in an instance. I firmly believe that. He wasn't a villain, he was a hero. He wasn't a great dad, but he was a good man and both Sam and Dean loved and respected him and would defend him to their last breath if they needed to.
I'm getting seriously into this challenge aren't I? *Sheepish grin* its way more interesting than I thought it'd be. I'm glad I'm doing, it gives me excellent reason to vent and yell and act all ridiculous about fictional people. If you need to let off steam you should just do this. I swear it helps.
Now I have to go. I have dinner to eat. Pajama's to put on. Prison Break to watch.
I can feel my deadline for NaNo catching up to me. And I really don't I am going to be finished with this story by June 7th. I didn't actually think I would. There was just too much other stuff I had to do. Like applying for a job. (Have I mentioned this? I think I have. Well I am hoping to do a check-up tomorrow or Tuesday. PLEASE PRAY I GET HIRED!!!!!) Also... I've missed a few days because we did family things like picnics and having a sleepover which involved running around a deserted park at eight o'clock at night, playing tag and screaming all sorts of random things at the top of our voices because the echo back was so cool. (TARDIS!!!!) And then there was the nights that I just could not write. I opened the computer and just.... stared.
This is how its been the past week. Though usually I am able to force out a at least a little something. There was only one night when I didn't write anything period. I tried. I did. But my brain felt like soggy newspaper and I wrote the same sentence like ten times and deleted it each time. I had no oomph, no inspiration and I think I was just burnt out. I was tired. I hadn't been sleeping well for most of the week and I think I killed a couple brain cells doing too much math. I just couldn't. Of course none of my characters have been very understanding. They're pretty angry I've been neglecting them these last few days, especially considering our deadline. They don't like me being lazy. And basically the wont leave me alone.
I am trying to cope with Bucky feels, leave me ALONE!!!
Write
Look. I have things to DO. Understand? (like chores and school?? HELLO??) the last thing I need is an angry mob of characters. They keep me up at night too. They wont stop talking to me. Giving me scenes to write. Like, seriously?? Its 1:00 in the MORNING! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???
They finally poked me hard enough that I've written today. I'm still writing. Tyson is very pleased. Maybe I'll make him cut himself with his silly sword. then he'll see.
I don't think this month has been a loss either though. I have done more writing this month than I have done in a very long time. I know where I am at and where I'm going. I have written some hard chapters and cried over some hard scenes. I've made myself write and that is a big step for me. because writing is such a delicate subject for me. And For the longest time I didn't think I was a writer. And I didn't want to write. So this had been a really good thing for me. And I would like to thank all those lovely people who commented encouragingly on my snippets and made me feel special. That was very kind of you and they really made my day. I think I've made some real progress and I'm optimistic. And I wont stop writing just because May is over. I am going to finish this book, dang it, if only for my buddy Jim who has been so patient waiting for me to get my act together and poking me friendly-like to help me along. (Thank you, buddy. You are brilliant.) I will try and post another snippet before the 7th. I promise. *hugs*
Also there is a little upside all this writing and hassle has had. I've discovered two new songs. They are the songs I listen to when I'm feeling especially depressed while writing and need spark. Well... I have an assortment, but these two are my Go-to songs. I plug my headphones in and listen to them on full blast, slowly kill myself with the lyrics. For some reason sad music helps with writing pain.
Seriously. The lyrics to this song are so sad and so unique. They makes me ache inside. Especially when it says, You build me up and then I fall apart. For some reason that line really affects me. It makes me think of tragedy and loss and betrayal. And it hurts but it helps. Especially with Tyson. I think Tyson ... Tyson has really grown on me. I think I might love him. And the that line, it reminds me a lot of him.
I can Fake a Smile. I can force a laugh.
I can dance and play the part if that's what you ask
Give you all I am
and for some reason, this quote feels very much like Tyson and Peregrine. I actually think part two of my book is going to be more greatly focused on then the others. Especially because of the... something that happens at the end of the book. Tyson has become quite an interesting character all around and the more I learn about him the worse I feel for him. I want to hug him and make all the pain go away.
But I'm only human.
And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
and I crash and I break down!
This ... THIS. This is like, EVERY ONE of my characters. Especially Peregrine and Annie. That line of lyrics, it makes me think of so many characters, so many broken souls. And I almost feel ashamed to be putting my own characters in the same category as Bucky or Sam or Dean or Arthur. But I can't help it. Its a very Peregrine line, Okay?? The poor kid has too much on his shoulders. I actually think part two of my book is going to be better. Now that I've really set up something and I know what I want. Hehehe. Here I am, talking about part two and part one isn't even done yet.
This is how I encouraged myself. "Tolkien made it. It took him fourteen years but he made it! I've only been writing - really writing - a month. I CAN MAKE IT!!!!
I laughed and then I cried.
That brings me to the other song which has helped inspire writing. Its called Mercy by Hurts. This song.... Okay. It is a little weird. I will be the first to admit that. It is definitely an acquired taste. The first time I heard it I wasn't wildly keen on it. It was too loud and too much. But slowly it started growing on me and I got to like it a lot. And then I saw it to Sam and Dean.... and I sort of have been listening to it on repeat ever since. I especially like the M! E! R! C! Y!!!! Bit. It invigorates me! Yes. I am a freak. Do not Judge.
I liked it so much I made a multifandom video to it. Watch it. Its very good. But it does have spoilers from... everything. Just FYI. If you like it the subscribe button is always nice. I like that button :)
And with that I am off! I have a friend over and we are going to have Pizza and watching something and I need to get off. God bless and have a wonderful night!!
I've wanted to do this post ever since I saw The Winter Soldier, but I was trying to be good and nice and let a different sister do it, because she really, really wanted to. But then she told me she didn't think she'd have time and to go ahead and do it. By this time I didn't know if I should anymore; I knew a few other people who were doing similar posts and I didn't want the whole Winter Soldier thing to get old. But finally my dear friend told me to go ahead and post it anyway cause she loves my reviews. So I decided I would.
THIS POST WILL NOT BE SPOILER FREE!!!
The Winter Soldier is, without a doubt, one of the best movies I have ever seen. I think its right up there with The Avengers and maybe even better than Thor 2. (which was brilliant, By the way!!) There was so much about it that I absolutely loved. It was intense and heart wrenching but it also had a touch of comedy to relieve the crushing amount of feels. And they had Sam who also helped soften all the BUCKY!!!! pain. I found myself liking Sam a lot more than I thought I would. He was really nice and funny and I liked how he and Steve became friends. I mean, he isn't Bucky or anything, but he's pretty cool all the same. AND I LOVE HIS WINGS!!
Steve is so cute :) Seriously, Why doesn't Steve have more fans??? I mean, he is everything you want in a guy! He's decent and kind and funny. He's very brave and loyal. He has a strong character and will fight for what he believes in no matter what he hears or what others think. He isn't easily swayed or made to back down. And he's just an amazing person. Even before he is the war hero Steve is wonderful. And I think that is a big thing - that you fall in love with the Kid from Brooklyn before he is the big man in a suit. That is important. And it reflects on just how much Steve is really worth.
I've heard people call Steve a 'wet blanket' a 'fuddy duddy' or simply 'too good to be true.' They also call him bland and boring because he has no character.
WHAT ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT???
Steve has plenty of character people. The problem is he also has morals. I know!! You'd think having morals would be a plus, but for most people morals = Boring. Which is so wrong on so many levels. Having morals doesn't make you boring. It makes you a good man. Who actually has good values and style. And who know how to laugh at himself.
I love that, even after becoming the Super-soldier, Steve still keeps hold of his charm. He doesn't let 'being a hero' go to his head. He's still just Steve; a bit naïve, a bit reckless and wild and with a good sense of humor. He doesn't pretend to be smarter than he is or to understand what he doesn't. He's a very forward, very honest type of guy, and that doesn't change when he becomes the hero.
For all of his charisma and personality, Steve has been pushed to the side as a 'minor' Avenger. He's usually people's least favorite superhero. Most people favor Tony or Hawkeye, or even Thor. Which I completely don't understand. He is my favorite Avenger; well, he is tied with Tony for favorite. (because Tony is special to me) I don't understand how people can see a man so selfless, so brave and honest, and say "No, he just doesn't do it for me." WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD???
This brings me to Steve and Bucky. The Steve and Bucky storyline has had a massive effect on me. And it's not just recently either. From the beginning, when I watched the first Captain America movie, I loved Steve and Bucky. I loved that Bucky took care of Steve and looked out for him. I loved that he was trying to keep him safe so he wouldn't be killed in war. I loved that he was basically the protective big brother who was incredibly proud of his younger brother and believed in him even when he was four foot nothing with zero muscle.
I knew that loving Bucky was a really bad idea because he was going to die. I knew what happens to Steve, how he becomes an avenger, and how, because of his travel through time, everyone he had known would end up dead. Including his best friend. And I didn't think I'd want the emotional trauma that would come with loving Bucky. But I couldn't help it. The first time you see him he come barging into a back alley and save Steve from a first-class bully. And then he isn't angry with Steve for nearly getting himself beat up or for not backing down, he just laughs and teases him and tries to cheer him up. Right there I decided I had given my heart to Bucky Barnes and there was no going back. I wasn't going to even attempt not liking him. That would be impossible.
The surprising thing is, for a story that has given me so much emotional after-affect, there really isn't much THERE. Steve and Bucky don't have all that much footage together, not really. I think we have a grand total of twenty minutes with the two of them in the first Captain America. Yet somehow Bucky has won you over a thousand times and again before that is over.
This scene means so much to me. Bucky knows how much Steve wanted to fight, to serve his country, to do the right thing. He has always believed in Steve and he is just so proud of his friend to have come so far and shown the world what he can do. Bucky knows how much he deserves to be recognized and now he finally can be. Bucky is so proud. But at the same time he's upset. He's seen the horrors of war and he hates that Steve has been dragged in to it. He's the brother-figure, the one who is suppose to make sure Steve is always safe. And now he is always going to be in danger. So Bucky decides to do the only thing he can - follow him everywhere, even into any battle, and do his best to make sure he's okay.
This is about where I start dumping feels on you. Lots and lots of feels. Cause see, Bucky Barnes was about everything you wanted in a best friend. He was brave. He was strong. He was Steve's equal in just about everything (except for the super-soldier bit) and they were as close as brothers. That much is very clear. Steve is obviously the little brother for whom Bucky feels very responsible for. And Steve looks to Bucky as his mentor as well as his friend. He admires and respects Bucky, and he would follow Bucky into anything, be it on earth or on the moon. Which is why it is so incredibly painful when Steve loses him.
The first time around Bucky's death hurt me deep, deep in my soul. I didn't expect to SEE him die. I thought at the end of Captain America Steve would some how end up in 2013 and you would realize everyone he used to know was gone. But I never dreamt we'd see the death. And I didn't expect it to be that terrible. I didn't stop crying until Peggy was talking to Steve afterward and telling him not to blame himself. I didn't think it could ever get worse than that first time watching Bucky fall to his death with Steve shouting his name and feeling like a failure for letting his best friend die.
I was so wrong. I was so, so wrong. Because if there is anything worse than watching Bucky Barnes die, its seeing what happens to him after he survives. I would rather him be dead than survive like that.
When I first heard Bucky was coming back for the Winter Soldier, I think I knew right off that he was going to be a bad guy. I had heard it, either on Pinterest or from a friend - somehow I knew Bucky would be the villain. And I balked at that. Bucky was Steve's BEST FRIEND. He couldn't be the villain. They could not make Steve fight Bucky. THEY COULDN'T DO IT! They couldn't make Bucky evil! Bucky isn't evil!!! Why bring him back at all if he wouldn't even be Bucky??
I sulked for quite some time after learning this. I knew that The Winter Soldier was going to be both painful and terrible and I almost didn't want to watch it. Almost. But I love Steve so I had to. And I also had this wild hope that maybe, just maybe, Steve would save Bucky. Maybe Bucky's was being controlled or something. I JUST WANTED BUCKY BACK, OKAY??!!!!
Even with this mindset, what happened in the theatre was so much worse than anything I could have prepared myself for. I was right about one thing; It wasn't Bucky. Not really. None of what happened was Bucky's fault. He didn't have a choice. He wasn't in control. And it freakin' broke my heart.
The part where Steve finds out that the Winter Soldier is in fact Bucky was one of the most heart breaking moments of all. Seriously. Steve seeing Bucky without the mask HURT. The absolute shock in his eyes, the confusion as he faces his friend..... Because he knows its impossible - how can Bucky be here? How can he here?? he died. He fell and it was Steve's fault. He can't be here. But he is. And something like hope sparks in Steve, even in the confusion. He hardly dares to believe it as he says his friends name. And then we get the knives-in-your-heart reply that made everyone want to cry and scream and bury themselves in a blanket.
Steve realizes that, not only is friend alive but he also has no idea they are friends and he has become one of the greatest assassins in history. And even though I knew before this scene, watching Steve find out made it all the more terrible. His friend may be alive, but this, this isn't Bucky. This is the Winter Soldier. And he has no idea who Steve is or why he knows him.
That one little moment on the bridge changes everything.
This scene was the worst. And that includes the 'end of the line' moment. Its when you realize just how much Bucky has been through. He has been beaten down and tortured for SEVENTY YEARS! He's been stripped of identity and control. HYDRA has taken him and turned him into a weapon and he never even had a chance to stop it. They brainwashed and froze him and locked him up like an animal, only releasing him when they had someone to kill. AND EVERY TIME HE TRIED TO FIGHT BACK THEY WOULD WIPE HIM AGAIN!!! Yes I know this. Because Bucky knows what's coming!!! When he says "I knew him," and he's trying so hard to remember who Steve was, what he meant to him, and that HORRIBLE JERK FACE PIERCE SAYS TO WIPE HIM, He knows what's coming! and he knows he can't stop it!! He's probably tried before and he knows by now its no use. They have broken him so much he can't even fight back.
BUCKY!!!!
I am not ashamed to say I cried in the theater. I don't think I realized how dear Bucky was to me until I saw him so changed and destroyed. I hate HYDRA for what he did to Bucky. I hate Jerk Face who hurt and manipulated Bucky without blinking an eye. And I hate those horrible men for finding him in the snow and ripping him away from everything he had known just so they could have a weapon. How dare they?? How could they be so horrible? How could they do this to Bucky??? How could they torture and wipe him and make him forget who he is? WHO GAVE THEM THE RIGHT TO DO THIS TO BUCKY???
From that point on I needed all of them to die painfully and I hoped Steve would killed. They were deserve it, the horrible men.
The rest of the movie was really hard for me to watch. Because every time I saw Bucky I was in pain. And every time I saw Steve I was in pain. The only reason I kept my sanity was because the writers were clever enough to add in some comedy so you could have something besides BUCKY!!!!!! running through your mind. Of course, that doesn't mean the bad bits hurt any less. There was this one part especially where Steve has a flash-back to when he and Bucky were quite a bit younger and he's upset and sad and Bucky tell him he's not alone.
I choked up and wanted to yell at Steve that he could still save Bucky. That's the only time I was upset with Sam. Sam tells Steve that the guy Bucky is now... he isn't the kind you save, he's the kind you stop. And then I wanted to yell at Sam. I know Sam was just trying to protect Steve because Steve was his friend, but I still wanted to shout at him. "NO! Steve has to save Bucky! Shut up!!" And then I remembered why I love Steve so much. STEVE DOESN'T GIVE UP. He knows Bucky is dangerous, that he doesn't remember who he used to be, that he's been brainwashed and made into this new man. But he doesn't care. He needs to believe that somewhere Bucky is still THERE. That somehow in this soldier his best friend will be able to hear him. Because he still blames himself for what happened to Bucky. And losing him again is unthinkable. Not when there is a chance that he could be saved. So he still fights for Bucky. He doesn't stop. And I think he was incredibly brave.
Though the bit where Bucky begins to remember was the hardest on me, the scene at the end where Steve has his last battle against Bucky is a very close second. I was gripping the chair and trying hard not to sob and scream BUCKY! over and over. I don't understand how someone with such little screen time can cause me so much pain, but he did. Because at this point Bucky has been wiped and he shouldn't remember seeing Steve on the bridge or anything else about him. But he does. You can tell that Bucky knows Steve. Or.... he remembers knowing Steve. The fact is, he hasn't felt in so long that feeling at all confuses and frightens him. It makes him doubt himself. It makes him think. and he doesn't like it. Because it hurts too much. So he tries to remember the mission. Steve is his mission; Steve needs to be STOPPED. But even when Bucky is trying to kill him, Steve doesn't give up. Steve doesn't stop hoping that maybe he can reach his friend, that somehow he can break him out of this thing he has been trapped in.
This whole time I was crying and whispering 'remember, remember, remember....' over and over. My feels had reached their max and I was having trouble breathing. And then Steve..... Steve. Steve saves him, just like I knew he would. "I'm with you till the end of the line." I loved that it was that line that finally reached Bucky. That made him stop and remember. To realize this was Steve Rodgers and he was about to kill him. And he might not understand completely, but he know enough. He remembers. All because Steve repeated the promise Bucky had made to him so long ago. "I'm with you till the end of the line, pal." How could he have forgotten?
BUCKY WHAT ARE YOU DOING??? DON'T WALK AWAY! BUCKY NO! STAY! YOU NEED TO STAY!! WHY ARE YOU WALKING AWAY?????? NONONONO!!!!
BUCKY!!!
The Official Ending leaves you feeling a little Melancholy. I loved that Bucky remembered and saved Steve. I loved that in the end he was Bucky. Because I don't think anyone can say that the man who saved Steve is the Winter Soldier. Because he's not. That is Bucky Barnes, a soldier who has been beaten and broken and manipulated and used, and has overcome all the brainwashing because his best friend wouldn't give up on him. The man who walks away at the end of this film is James Buchanan Barnes. And nothing you say will tell me otherwise. But ..... he does just walk away. And that was highly upsetting. Because the one person who can help him he leaves lying on the shore, all alone. However, because my family are hardcore Marvel Geeks, we stayed till the VERY END of the credits and were rewarded for our patience with the best ten seconds of the film. Ten seconds that give you hope. Ten seconds that make you think just maybe it will be okay.
He's trying to remember!! He wants to remember! HE WANTS TO BE BUCKY AGAIN!!!!
I was extremely hyper after this. All of us were. We had such a high scale of feels that the second we were in the car we broke into fangirl screaming and waving and OHMYGOSHSTEVEBUCKYIKNEWHIMIWON'TFIGHTYOUENDOFTHELINEI'MGONNADIE!!!
Then we went home and did it again. And we lay awake ranting and giggling and screaming in a whisper "BUCKY!!!' I didn't sleep much that night. I was too consumed by feels. I still am. I don't think I'll ever stop having feels. The minute I think I'm passed my Winter-Soldier-Pain point, I see another gif or another picture and immediately I'm flailing and weeping and venting and just .....
BUCKY!!!!
This was trying to be a review and it has turned into an "ALLMYFEELS!!!" post. I hope you don't mind. I have been suffering Post-Winter-Soldier-Depression for a good four weeks and I needed to vent. I actually feel a lot better now that I've shared my pain. I think it did me a lot of good. And even though this isn't a very professional review (if a review at all) I hope you enjoyed it anyway. I know I enjoyed writing it.
I leave you with my Ultimate Steve & Bucky song. It give me so many Winter Soldier feels!
Rescue me! Show me who I am! 'Cause I can't believe, This is how the
story ends Fight for me! If it's not too late; help me breathe
again No, this can't be how the story ends
