1.) When I was two years old I was spinning around the living room. (I actually do remember this a little bit, as odd as that may seem.) I'm pretty sure I was pretending to be a fairy or something very close to that, and I was so caught up in my magic sparkles that I didn't see the coffee table until it was too late. I ran right into it and smashed my front tooth to smithereens. Seriously. It wasn't knocked out or anything normal. I rammed my face so hard against the glass that the pure pressure shattered my tooth and pushed the fragments into my gums. The Doctor said the tooth should come back within a couple years. But little old me was without a front tooth until I was about ten. When it finally started to come back it was a super weird experience. It was like losing a tooth, but in reverse. I have the tooth now (which is great) but it grew in crooked, and it will always be crooked. There is something wrong with my jaw or the bones or something, and my teeth cannot be set. Oh well. I don't mind it.
I was so cute.
2.) When I was a kid my favorite part from Sleeping Beauty was when Maleficent crashed down in front of Phillip and cried; "NOW SHALL YOU DEAL WITH ME, O PRINCE! AND ALL THE POWERS OF HELL!" I used to quote that line quite often, complete with dramatic arm-raise. Why did I like this so much? I'm not sure. I think it was the epicness of the villain threatening about Hell and then turning into a terrifying DRAGON and then Philip defeating her with the Shield of Virtue and the Sword of Truth - yeah, I really love Philip. That whole scene was so cool though! I just loved it so much! It was my favoritest of lines. Once I even did the thing in the library, and one of the librarians was like, "You told her about Hell???"
3.) I have am severely conflicted about which side to join for Captain America - Civil War, because I feel like by choosing one I basically tell the other he is a zero and I don't really care about him.
NOPE, NOPE, NOPE, WHY CAN'T WE ALL BE FRIENDS AND HAVE SHWARMA?
3.) I used to climb up on the shed roof in the back yard and fish for pine cones with my younger sisters. The shed was about a story high, but that didn't shake us. we put hangers on a long line of jump-rope and we just sat up there on the roof, trying to snag pine cones in the hanger hooks. It was intense.
4.) I wore jumpers growing up.
5.) I didn't play "Red Rover." I played, "BLOOD ROVER." Seriously. When my sisters and I played that game we didn't mess around. You locked hands up to the wrists. You planted yourself. You kept the enemy from crossing, if your arms broke doing it. One time we had friends over and they weren't used to our ways... and I could feel her hand sliding, and I just dug my nails into her skin like, "Don't let go."
6.) Peter & Edmund were the first brother story I ever cried over. *not counting Bro-Friends.
7.) I used to stand in the rays of sunlight that came through the living room window and pretend to be Mary, or an angel from heaven.
*cue heavenly voices singing*
8.) When I was super little I'd play this stupid game with my sister. We had a pitcher in the bathtub and I'd fill it up, and I'd slowly poor it out saying, "The mirror shows many things. Things that were. Things that are. And some thing that have not yet come to pass. Look into the mirror." I had the time the pouring perfect, otherwise I ran out to fast and had to quickly dunk the pitcher back into the water before I finished, or I was too slow had to dump the last of the water out with a splash. Once I finished, I'd pass it to Tiny and she'd do the same thing. And we'd do this the whole time we were in the bath. I don't know how we knew this quote at five and three... but we did. #TrueLordoftheringsfans
9.) I read so much in middle school that my mom threatened to take away my library card because I wasn't getting my chores (or my school) done.
10.) Once I put on headphones, turned on some loud, exciting music and went tearing through a giant rain puddle in the road, dancing and whooping like an idiot. My age at this time is confidential.
11.) I believed in Santa Clause until like, two years ago, and I still believe in Father Christmas. I come from a long line of believers.
12.) I used to take my Dad's stud-finder out of his tool kit and wander around the house pretending to be Kirk, looking for signs of life (or danger) on some distant planet.
13.) I loved capes but I never owned one. I went on a lot of adventures. Adventurers had to have capes. This was a thing with me. So I would raid my big sister's closet and find a long flowing skirt to stick on my shoulders and run around in.
14.) Sometimes I would pick out a black skirt for my cape, grab Christine (an unfortunate younger sister) and drag her down through my lair, (the deck and the swing set) singing the Phantom of the Opera in a deep, masculine voice. She always knew the responses. And she put up with being dragged all over the back yard, singing and boating across giant lakes. She was a very good sport. *waves at sister* You know who you are.
15.) OH, OH, OH! I just got an instagram. You should check it out HERE.
16.) I have tea time every night, and when I'm with my family we have it together. We're all very British that way.
18.) I don't think Loki is a hero. I like him, but he's not a hero.
19.) I never finished the Harry Potter books.* What can I say? I thought the movies were better!
*A scapular is like kind of a necklace that is worn in honour of the Mother of Christ. The Catholic's have a tradition of wearing them, as it shows our devotion to the Church, and merits for us special prayers and protection from the Mother of God.
23.) I never, ever wanted to be an only child. Like, ever.
24.) I always go barefoot in the summer time, for as long as I can.
25.) I sing practically all the time. Wherever, whenever, whatever time of day. I'll be there in the corner, singing like a lark. Or a chickadee. Or a toad, depending on your opinions and the state of my health at the time. (But I kind of like my voice, so if you hate it, that's too bad for you. *sticks out tongue*)
There! Twenty-Five things you might not know about me! I think I will be off now. I will leave with this song that I recently discovered. I really, really like it. You've probably all heard it before, but whatever. It's one of my many anthems. It makes me feel ready to be brave.
I've wanted to do this post ever since I saw The Winter Soldier, but I was trying to be good and nice and let a different sister do it, because she really, really wanted to. But then she told me she didn't think she'd have time and to go ahead and do it. By this time I didn't know if I should anymore; I knew a few other people who were doing similar posts and I didn't want the whole Winter Soldier thing to get old. But finally my dear friend told me to go ahead and post it anyway cause she loves my reviews. So I decided I would.
THIS POST WILL NOT BE SPOILER FREE!!!
The Winter Soldier is, without a doubt, one of the best movies I have ever seen. I think its right up there with The Avengers and maybe even better than Thor 2. (which was brilliant, By the way!!) There was so much about it that I absolutely loved. It was intense and heart wrenching but it also had a touch of comedy to relieve the crushing amount of feels. And they had Sam who also helped soften all the BUCKY!!!! pain. I found myself liking Sam a lot more than I thought I would. He was really nice and funny and I liked how he and Steve became friends. I mean, he isn't Bucky or anything, but he's pretty cool all the same. AND I LOVE HIS WINGS!!
Steve is so cute :) Seriously, Why doesn't Steve have more fans??? I mean, he is everything you want in a guy! He's decent and kind and funny. He's very brave and loyal. He has a strong character and will fight for what he believes in no matter what he hears or what others think. He isn't easily swayed or made to back down. And he's just an amazing person. Even before he is the war hero Steve is wonderful. And I think that is a big thing - that you fall in love with the Kid from Brooklyn before he is the big man in a suit. That is important. And it reflects on just how much Steve is really worth.
I've heard people call Steve a 'wet blanket' a 'fuddy duddy' or simply 'too good to be true.' They also call him bland and boring because he has no character.
WHAT ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT???
Steve has plenty of character people. The problem is he also has morals. I know!! You'd think having morals would be a plus, but for most people morals = Boring. Which is so wrong on so many levels. Having morals doesn't make you boring. It makes you a good man. Who actually has good values and style. And who know how to laugh at himself.
I love that, even after becoming the Super-soldier, Steve still keeps hold of his charm. He doesn't let 'being a hero' go to his head. He's still just Steve; a bit naïve, a bit reckless and wild and with a good sense of humor. He doesn't pretend to be smarter than he is or to understand what he doesn't. He's a very forward, very honest type of guy, and that doesn't change when he becomes the hero.
For all of his charisma and personality, Steve has been pushed to the side as a 'minor' Avenger. He's usually people's least favorite superhero. Most people favor Tony or Hawkeye, or even Thor. Which I completely don't understand. He is my favorite Avenger; well, he is tied with Tony for favorite. (because Tony is special to me) I don't understand how people can see a man so selfless, so brave and honest, and say "No, he just doesn't do it for me." WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD???
This brings me to Steve and Bucky. The Steve and Bucky storyline has had a massive effect on me. And it's not just recently either. From the beginning, when I watched the first Captain America movie, I loved Steve and Bucky. I loved that Bucky took care of Steve and looked out for him. I loved that he was trying to keep him safe so he wouldn't be killed in war. I loved that he was basically the protective big brother who was incredibly proud of his younger brother and believed in him even when he was four foot nothing with zero muscle.
I knew that loving Bucky was a really bad idea because he was going to die. I knew what happens to Steve, how he becomes an avenger, and how, because of his travel through time, everyone he had known would end up dead. Including his best friend. And I didn't think I'd want the emotional trauma that would come with loving Bucky. But I couldn't help it. The first time you see him he come barging into a back alley and save Steve from a first-class bully. And then he isn't angry with Steve for nearly getting himself beat up or for not backing down, he just laughs and teases him and tries to cheer him up. Right there I decided I had given my heart to Bucky Barnes and there was no going back. I wasn't going to even attempt not liking him. That would be impossible.
The surprising thing is, for a story that has given me so much emotional after-affect, there really isn't much THERE. Steve and Bucky don't have all that much footage together, not really. I think we have a grand total of twenty minutes with the two of them in the first Captain America. Yet somehow Bucky has won you over a thousand times and again before that is over.
This scene means so much to me. Bucky knows how much Steve wanted to fight, to serve his country, to do the right thing. He has always believed in Steve and he is just so proud of his friend to have come so far and shown the world what he can do. Bucky knows how much he deserves to be recognized and now he finally can be. Bucky is so proud. But at the same time he's upset. He's seen the horrors of war and he hates that Steve has been dragged in to it. He's the brother-figure, the one who is suppose to make sure Steve is always safe. And now he is always going to be in danger. So Bucky decides to do the only thing he can - follow him everywhere, even into any battle, and do his best to make sure he's okay.
This is about where I start dumping feels on you. Lots and lots of feels. Cause see, Bucky Barnes was about everything you wanted in a best friend. He was brave. He was strong. He was Steve's equal in just about everything (except for the super-soldier bit) and they were as close as brothers. That much is very clear. Steve is obviously the little brother for whom Bucky feels very responsible for. And Steve looks to Bucky as his mentor as well as his friend. He admires and respects Bucky, and he would follow Bucky into anything, be it on earth or on the moon. Which is why it is so incredibly painful when Steve loses him.
The first time around Bucky's death hurt me deep, deep in my soul. I didn't expect to SEE him die. I thought at the end of Captain America Steve would some how end up in 2013 and you would realize everyone he used to know was gone. But I never dreamt we'd see the death. And I didn't expect it to be that terrible. I didn't stop crying until Peggy was talking to Steve afterward and telling him not to blame himself. I didn't think it could ever get worse than that first time watching Bucky fall to his death with Steve shouting his name and feeling like a failure for letting his best friend die.
I was so wrong. I was so, so wrong. Because if there is anything worse than watching Bucky Barnes die, its seeing what happens to him after he survives. I would rather him be dead than survive like that.
When I first heard Bucky was coming back for the Winter Soldier, I think I knew right off that he was going to be a bad guy. I had heard it, either on Pinterest or from a friend - somehow I knew Bucky would be the villain. And I balked at that. Bucky was Steve's BEST FRIEND. He couldn't be the villain. They could not make Steve fight Bucky. THEY COULDN'T DO IT! They couldn't make Bucky evil! Bucky isn't evil!!! Why bring him back at all if he wouldn't even be Bucky??
I sulked for quite some time after learning this. I knew that The Winter Soldier was going to be both painful and terrible and I almost didn't want to watch it. Almost. But I love Steve so I had to. And I also had this wild hope that maybe, just maybe, Steve would save Bucky. Maybe Bucky's was being controlled or something. I JUST WANTED BUCKY BACK, OKAY??!!!!
Even with this mindset, what happened in the theatre was so much worse than anything I could have prepared myself for. I was right about one thing; It wasn't Bucky. Not really. None of what happened was Bucky's fault. He didn't have a choice. He wasn't in control. And it freakin' broke my heart.
The part where Steve finds out that the Winter Soldier is in fact Bucky was one of the most heart breaking moments of all. Seriously. Steve seeing Bucky without the mask HURT. The absolute shock in his eyes, the confusion as he faces his friend..... Because he knows its impossible - how can Bucky be here? How can he here?? he died. He fell and it was Steve's fault. He can't be here. But he is. And something like hope sparks in Steve, even in the confusion. He hardly dares to believe it as he says his friends name. And then we get the knives-in-your-heart reply that made everyone want to cry and scream and bury themselves in a blanket.
Steve realizes that, not only is friend alive but he also has no idea they are friends and he has become one of the greatest assassins in history. And even though I knew before this scene, watching Steve find out made it all the more terrible. His friend may be alive, but this, this isn't Bucky. This is the Winter Soldier. And he has no idea who Steve is or why he knows him.
That one little moment on the bridge changes everything.
This scene was the worst. And that includes the 'end of the line' moment. Its when you realize just how much Bucky has been through. He has been beaten down and tortured for SEVENTY YEARS! He's been stripped of identity and control. HYDRA has taken him and turned him into a weapon and he never even had a chance to stop it. They brainwashed and froze him and locked him up like an animal, only releasing him when they had someone to kill. AND EVERY TIME HE TRIED TO FIGHT BACK THEY WOULD WIPE HIM AGAIN!!! Yes I know this. Because Bucky knows what's coming!!! When he says "I knew him," and he's trying so hard to remember who Steve was, what he meant to him, and that HORRIBLE JERK FACE PIERCE SAYS TO WIPE HIM, He knows what's coming! and he knows he can't stop it!! He's probably tried before and he knows by now its no use. They have broken him so much he can't even fight back.
BUCKY!!!!
I am not ashamed to say I cried in the theater. I don't think I realized how dear Bucky was to me until I saw him so changed and destroyed. I hate HYDRA for what he did to Bucky. I hate Jerk Face who hurt and manipulated Bucky without blinking an eye. And I hate those horrible men for finding him in the snow and ripping him away from everything he had known just so they could have a weapon. How dare they?? How could they be so horrible? How could they do this to Bucky??? How could they torture and wipe him and make him forget who he is? WHO GAVE THEM THE RIGHT TO DO THIS TO BUCKY???
From that point on I needed all of them to die painfully and I hoped Steve would killed. They were deserve it, the horrible men.
The rest of the movie was really hard for me to watch. Because every time I saw Bucky I was in pain. And every time I saw Steve I was in pain. The only reason I kept my sanity was because the writers were clever enough to add in some comedy so you could have something besides BUCKY!!!!!! running through your mind. Of course, that doesn't mean the bad bits hurt any less. There was this one part especially where Steve has a flash-back to when he and Bucky were quite a bit younger and he's upset and sad and Bucky tell him he's not alone.
I choked up and wanted to yell at Steve that he could still save Bucky. That's the only time I was upset with Sam. Sam tells Steve that the guy Bucky is now... he isn't the kind you save, he's the kind you stop. And then I wanted to yell at Sam. I know Sam was just trying to protect Steve because Steve was his friend, but I still wanted to shout at him. "NO! Steve has to save Bucky! Shut up!!" And then I remembered why I love Steve so much. STEVE DOESN'T GIVE UP. He knows Bucky is dangerous, that he doesn't remember who he used to be, that he's been brainwashed and made into this new man. But he doesn't care. He needs to believe that somewhere Bucky is still THERE. That somehow in this soldier his best friend will be able to hear him. Because he still blames himself for what happened to Bucky. And losing him again is unthinkable. Not when there is a chance that he could be saved. So he still fights for Bucky. He doesn't stop. And I think he was incredibly brave.
Though the bit where Bucky begins to remember was the hardest on me, the scene at the end where Steve has his last battle against Bucky is a very close second. I was gripping the chair and trying hard not to sob and scream BUCKY! over and over. I don't understand how someone with such little screen time can cause me so much pain, but he did. Because at this point Bucky has been wiped and he shouldn't remember seeing Steve on the bridge or anything else about him. But he does. You can tell that Bucky knows Steve. Or.... he remembers knowing Steve. The fact is, he hasn't felt in so long that feeling at all confuses and frightens him. It makes him doubt himself. It makes him think. and he doesn't like it. Because it hurts too much. So he tries to remember the mission. Steve is his mission; Steve needs to be STOPPED. But even when Bucky is trying to kill him, Steve doesn't give up. Steve doesn't stop hoping that maybe he can reach his friend, that somehow he can break him out of this thing he has been trapped in.
This whole time I was crying and whispering 'remember, remember, remember....' over and over. My feels had reached their max and I was having trouble breathing. And then Steve..... Steve. Steve saves him, just like I knew he would. "I'm with you till the end of the line." I loved that it was that line that finally reached Bucky. That made him stop and remember. To realize this was Steve Rodgers and he was about to kill him. And he might not understand completely, but he know enough. He remembers. All because Steve repeated the promise Bucky had made to him so long ago. "I'm with you till the end of the line, pal." How could he have forgotten?
BUCKY WHAT ARE YOU DOING??? DON'T WALK AWAY! BUCKY NO! STAY! YOU NEED TO STAY!! WHY ARE YOU WALKING AWAY?????? NONONONO!!!!
BUCKY!!!
The Official Ending leaves you feeling a little Melancholy. I loved that Bucky remembered and saved Steve. I loved that in the end he was Bucky. Because I don't think anyone can say that the man who saved Steve is the Winter Soldier. Because he's not. That is Bucky Barnes, a soldier who has been beaten and broken and manipulated and used, and has overcome all the brainwashing because his best friend wouldn't give up on him. The man who walks away at the end of this film is James Buchanan Barnes. And nothing you say will tell me otherwise. But ..... he does just walk away. And that was highly upsetting. Because the one person who can help him he leaves lying on the shore, all alone. However, because my family are hardcore Marvel Geeks, we stayed till the VERY END of the credits and were rewarded for our patience with the best ten seconds of the film. Ten seconds that give you hope. Ten seconds that make you think just maybe it will be okay.
He's trying to remember!! He wants to remember! HE WANTS TO BE BUCKY AGAIN!!!!
I was extremely hyper after this. All of us were. We had such a high scale of feels that the second we were in the car we broke into fangirl screaming and waving and OHMYGOSHSTEVEBUCKYIKNEWHIMIWON'TFIGHTYOUENDOFTHELINEI'MGONNADIE!!!
Then we went home and did it again. And we lay awake ranting and giggling and screaming in a whisper "BUCKY!!!' I didn't sleep much that night. I was too consumed by feels. I still am. I don't think I'll ever stop having feels. The minute I think I'm passed my Winter-Soldier-Pain point, I see another gif or another picture and immediately I'm flailing and weeping and venting and just .....
BUCKY!!!!
This was trying to be a review and it has turned into an "ALLMYFEELS!!!" post. I hope you don't mind. I have been suffering Post-Winter-Soldier-Depression for a good four weeks and I needed to vent. I actually feel a lot better now that I've shared my pain. I think it did me a lot of good. And even though this isn't a very professional review (if a review at all) I hope you enjoyed it anyway. I know I enjoyed writing it.
I leave you with my Ultimate Steve & Bucky song. It give me so many Winter Soldier feels!
Rescue me! Show me who I am! 'Cause I can't believe, This is how the
story ends Fight for me! If it's not too late; help me breathe
again No, this can't be how the story ends
