Friday, September 23, 2016

Bring me thunder, bring me lightning, bring me all things that are frightening! Bring me monsters, I'll enjoy them, bring me phantoms I'll destroy them! BRING ME GIANTS!

You know how sometimes you hear music and it's nice and exciting and it makes you feel better? And then sometimes you hear music and it gets into your soul, and makes you feel stronger, and braver, and all freaking inspired? I love music like that.

James Barbour has a CD called "Bring Me Giants," which is one of the most epic, awe-inspiring masterpieces I have ever had the pleasure of listening to. It makes me feel like I can take on the world. RAWR! BRING ME GIANTS!! I AM DAVID!!! YAAAAAAAAAS!!!

This CD is incredible. It inspires me to write music. It really inspires my musicals, which is both exciting and stressful. 'Cause here is the thing. I really love writing lyrics and I really love writing musicals. But okay, I'm relying on my Middle-School-Music memory and that is hard. Also, how do you write music when you don't play multiple instruments or have immense understanding of music theory?? Let me tell you, there is nothing quite like having inspiration for music and lyrics and epic orchestras, and sitting there like, I DON'T KNOW MUSIC LIKE THAT! It's sad!

Oh, on top of that I'm trying to compose music using a Piano App on my phone.

You don't know the struggle unless you've tried this yourself.

Why are phones screens so small? For real. I sit there like, Plink- no - Plunk, Piiiing?... - that's not right - Pling, Plaaaiiiing - AHA! *furious scribbles cords A4 and D4 on sheet of paper* Right. PLOOOOooong. Pleeeeng. PLOOOOOooooooNK.... no - Pleeeeeeeeeeeenk.

The struggle is real. For once my fingers are too big! I can only play one note at a time.

What I really need is one of those big electrical piano keyboards. The ones that are all portable and stuff. And you can Plug In other instruments.

yamaha-keyboards-in-Melbourne.jpg (400×300)
Like dis.


It's hard wanting to write music and hitting walls because you're not a musical genius. It's hard wanting to act and not being able to because you can't drive yet. It's hard to be artistic and have to work. 8-P I want to write, I want to act, I want to take music theory, I want to use my talents to spread some good, even if it's small. I really want to start practicing my clarinet again because I think that would help with making music. I would have done this already, but my sadly it's in storage and I haven't been able to dig it out of the garage yet. 8-(

With all of these dreams stretched out before me, I come to a big decision. If you could all pray for me it would be very helpful, because I'm really nervous about it.

I've decided to step out of my nanny job.

This was a hard decision for me, one that I've been considering it for some time. You know how sometimes you do something and it's just not quite a fit? Well, that's what happened. I love both my nieces tons and will miss them a lot, but I can feel that this isn't where I'm supposed to be. Joe and Jess have been very good to me and I've had a good sort of year... but I do think it's time for a change. There is so much I'm not able to do here. Joe's house is in this cul-de-sac thing, and all connections to town are off the freeway, which I hate. There is nowhere I can go within walking or riding distance. I still don't have my license. *growls* I've also been missing Mass a lot due to conflicting schedules and work hours and such, and that has been hard. There is also a lot of stuff I need to figure out and I think this is for the best. I've been praying a lot about this decision, and if some of you could pray for me as well I would be very grateful. 8-D I hope to come back here soon, since it has more opportunities for actors, but before I can do that I need to give myself a little room to breathe, take a step back, and say, What do you want, Bella?

I mean, I know I want to act - and I even found a good Community Theatre group down here, which I'd like to join as soon as possible. I want to audition for their Spring Show which is The Secret Garden. If I like it, I can think about moving back into this town, but doing so on my terms, and in the places I want to be.

Anyway, please pray about my dreams, please pray that I can pursue my acting, even if it's in a small way, and please pray that these changes are right. 8-)

I'm working on another blog post, so you should be hearing from me soon. I hope you all have a good weekend!

*swings around cape and leaps off stage*



  1. Yes! I've listened to portions of "Bring Me Giants," and it is amazing music!

    It's a good goal to write music and musicals, especially if you have the passion for it. Especially since there's a lot of trash out there, and I know you would reach for a higher standard! But I'm sorry it's hard right now! Ooh, you play the clarinet? That's cool!

    And grr, the tiny screens annoy me too. I spent two years in high school learning to type correctly on a keyboard, and now they give us one too small for our fingers?!?! I don't get it.

    I'm definitely praying for you and your future plans!

    1. Thank you, Christine! I need lots of prayers right now.

      The song "Who Will Love This Child" Makes me emotional. It's like The Song for Pro-Life. 8-D


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