Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Platonic Love; what it is, and why I think it's so important.


Pla·ton·ic pləˈtänik/ adjective (of love or friendship) intimate and affectionate but not sexual.

"Clara is my friend."


So, I have noticed a lot of fandoms using "Platonic" as a way to describe relationships that do not involve romance/sex. I looked it up on google, and the definition above is what I found. I did a little bit of research, and it seems that in it's original form I think Plantonic Love meant that it was a type of love not only driven by sex. It didn't completely exclude sex, but it put the sexual side of the relationship on the back burner. It is true, however, that it was mostly used to describe friendships and relationships that didn't involve being in love. In our day and age, this is what platonic love is used to describe, and it is the most popular definition.

Platonic Love is important.

friends


Why am I posting about this? Because right now the world is turning it's back on purely friendly love.

I think this is super sad.

Let me explain.

In Greek, there are four different words for love.

1. Philio - companionable love.

2.) Agape - is called out of one's heart by the preciousness of the object loved. It is unconditional love. (This is often used when referring to love between God and His creatures.)

3.) Storge: A natural affection or obligation.

4.) Eros - The love of Passion. (Also known as sexual love.)

In this society Eros has become the only type of love two people are allowed to experience with each other. Eros is the only type of love that really matters. It is the only definition love has anymore. If you aren't in Eros your relationship doesn't hold weight or meaning.

Philio on the other hand.... Philio has been cast aside as something that isn't as important, as strong, or as wonderful as Eros.


Brothers


Let me explain to you a thing. PHILIO IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS EROS. IN FACT RIGHT NOW IT IS MORE IMPORTANT.

I don't know how the majority of people are today. I don't know if most people just don't have friends anymore, or don't understand what it is to have a friend, a best friend, someone who is always there for you, someone you can count on for anything. I don't have a giant number of friends, but I do have a handful of people that I consider to be my best friends and my family, and I feel so blessed that I have them.  Best Friends are amazing. They do crazy things with you. They are goofy and insane and awesome. They're always there when you really need them, and even if you are miles away, even if you don't see each other for months, you know you're always going to be there for each other.

I love my friends. I love Jim, my amazing writer buddy who has done so much for me, and is there to help even if she's had a rough day. I love Sammi, who will literally drive a whole hour to my new place just to stay the night with me. I love Gavin, who has become like a brother to me and my family, and is the sweetest, most gentle guy you could meet. I love all of my sisters, and my amazing, goofy big brother. I love my friends and family. I tell them this as often as I can, whenever I can, however I can. We are all super emotional and affectionate, and we aren't afraid to show that we love each other, and care for each other. We hug. We squeeze hands. We crowd together on the big family couch. We bicker and argue and poke fun. We can drive each other crazy, but we know that no matter what, we are here for each other, and that is an amazing, beautiful thing. There is very little I wouldn't do if it meant helping the people I love.

Why do I love friendship stories? Because they echo what I have. Because they show me that you can get through practically anything if you just have someone there for you. Because when someone touches your soul it is incredible, and if that person is special enough to decide you are going to be their friend, and they are going to face fire for you because they love you enough to do it, then that is something to be cherished. Friendships are important and beautiful and they need to be protected at all costs.

Why do I feel like I (and others like me) need to write about friendships and families?

Because those stories are dying. Everywhere you look, everywhere you go, there is nothing but Eros. You can't have a simple friendship, or even a companionship anymore. If a person is willing to die for their friend, there is more going on. If a person is willing to sacrifice their career for their friend, there is subtext. If friends support each other through rough times, There is so much subtext and sexual tension!!!!! Heck, if two people look at each other longer than three seconds they are obvious IN LOVE and need to be a couple right now, immediately.

"Bucky Barnes and Steven Rogers were inseparable on both school yard and battle field."

Bucky and Steve are a classic example of Philia. They are best friends who would literally die to save each other. Best friends who have gone to hell and back together. Best friends that people insist must have a romantic pull because why else would Steve be able to break through all the brainwashing Bucky had gone through? Why else would Bucky "Follow [that little kid from Brooklyn] into the jaws of death"? Why else would Steve cry when he thought Bucky was dead? Why else would Bucky risk his life, and get his arm blown off to save Steve? Obviously they are IN LOVE. It's Eros.

No guys. It's Philia. Yeah. Bucky loves Steve, and Steve loves Bucky, but it isn't romantic. It's a friendship, it's a bond. This is what happens when you face the world together and somehow come through it. This is what happens when most of your best moments are formed with someone you care about. This is what happens when a person sees you at your best and your worst and doesn't give up on you. This is what happens when a person fights for you and cares for you. This is Philia. This is the simple, innocent and pure love that comes from being there for each other, sharing secrets, sharing suffering, holding on to each other with both hands. This is love in it's finest form. Love isn't always Eros! It doesn't have to be Eros! IT IS VERY OFTEN TIMES PHILIA! But for some reason, our world today is determined to slant everything toward sex and romance, and so they disregard the strength of friendship, and the loyalty that exists between friends, and write it off all sorts of love, caring, and devotion as romantic.

Sherlock and John are another friendship that gets knocked into the ground and made to be something more, because why else would Sherlock fake his own death and ruin his reputation for John? Why would John care so much that Sherlock was gone, and cry at his grave? Obviously they are in love.

No one will ever convince me that you told me a lie.

A large group of fans (and people) seem to think that the only way a relationship works if it is a Love Story. They will ship almost anything they can get their hands on, and they ship it very romantically; Merlin and Arthur, Sam and Dean, Steve Rogers and Bucky, Harry and Hermione, Rick and Daryl, Sam and Frodo, Nick and Monroe, Danno and Steve, Malia and Lydia, Tony and Rhodey,  Benny and Dean, Clara and The Doctor, Shawn and Gus, Juliette and Rosalee, Aragorn and Legolas, Legolas and Gimli, Natasha and Steve Rogers, John and Sherlock, Eleven and Amy, heck, even Dean and Cas! (I don't like their friendship, but that is still all it is. A friendship.) These are only a few of the friendships that fans have turned into a romance for no freaking reason. It's like, if someone is willing to go through crap with another person, if they care about them, if they are happy and at ease around them, and enjoys having fun with them, obviously they are in love.

That is so wrong! No guys. They aren't.

"I know, Shawn. You love me. You love me like two guys can
 love each other and still have wives and kids and connecting pools."


Let me explain to you a THING.

Friendship is just as important as romance. Friendship is just as strong as romance. The love that exists between two friends is something you honestly can't find anywhere else, and it is so, so precious. I don't know why there is this vast group in every fandom ( I call it the Tumblr Group) that insists there is more going on and some sexual crap being hinted at. Oh my gosh, did they encourage each other to keep fighting? Oh my gosh, did they hug? Oh My Gosh, did they brush shoulders?? Oh my gosh, did they actually sit next to each other?? #whatispersonalspace #otpforlife

These sorts of fans have sort of leaked into everything, including books. It's seriously annoying. Like... Guys. Farid and Dustfinger? Farid and Dustfinger???? Why?? They're friends, they're like father and son more than anything else. They sort of have an older brother/little brother relationship, and it's really cute! Why would you ship them? I don't think most fans do, but there is still that groupThis society is so freaking obnoxious! I will say however, that I can kind of deal with it when it's just fans being weird. At least I can tell myself they are reading the story wrong and they are just too obsessed with romance to see anything else. I can't handle it when the writers betray me and actually make the obviously just friends canonically romantic. (I'm looking at you, Megan Stiefvader)

Caring about someone, loving someone, does not equal a romance!

Take Harry and Hermione for instance. I'm not a huge Harry Potter fan, but I enjoy the movies enough that it really bothers me when people ship Harry/Hermione. I only read five of the books, but even so I still never saw for a second that they might be romantic. They were brother and sister and it was sweet and adorable, and I loved it. (I also ignore everything JK Rowling says on the subject because she is just ridiculous at this point. She wrote her story in a certain way. It's annoying that she wants to change it through twitter.) I especially liked how Harry and Hermione's friendship and dynamic was brought to life in the movies. It was so clear that they were as close as siblings, that they were family, best friends, and I really appreciated that.


I loved this dance scene 8-)

Why is it that everything has to be so strongly romantic in society today? I believe it's because people have forgotten what love actually means. It's hard in English, because unlike Greek, English only has one word to describe love. You don't get Philia, Agape, Storge and Eros. You get love, love, love, and love.

Our society has forgotten that love means loyalty. Love means "I will be there for you, no matter what." Love means, 'I won't give up on you.' Love means, 'I'm with you 'till the end of the line.' Love means 'I will sacrifice my time and my own needs for you.' Love means, 'I will take care of you when no one else will.' Love means you value someone else's life enough to risk your own. Love means you are brave enough to value life... even a life that perhaps seems unworthy. 

"I love you." - "I love you, buddy."


Steve and Danny were like a breath of fresh wind. Like Gus and Shawn, they are not at all ashamed to show they love each other, but at the same time they like totally normal best friends. They bicker constantly. They poke fun at each other. They tease each other. They disagree on a lot of things. But a the end of the day, they are still best friend. They would face fire together and they aren't afraid to show it. They aren't afraid to affection, even at the risk of being mistaken for a couple. They're just like, "Yeah, we're best friends, and your dirty minds can think what they want, but that is all that's happening here." They call each other "Babe" they say, "I love you," they hug, they share beers, they tease each other non-stop, they call each other all sorts of names, jerk, control-freak, paranoid and idiot to name a few.  They are even roommates for a little bit, and if either of them ever need a place to crash, they know their friend's house is open to them.

Isn't that the sweetest thing ever?

Why don't people like friendships? Why don't people like brotherly bonding? Why don't people like brothers and sisters existing outside the blood ties? What is wrong with love that isn't Eros? Why is love without a sexual or romantic pull any less important or amazing than being IN LOVE?

I honestly don't understand. I think our world could use some good old fashion friendships stories. Even if people still see them wrong, even if they still ship them, at least there will be a few of us still holding on to the understanding that you can love someone without being being in love with them. You can follow someone through hell without being in a romance. You can love each other more than anything, and still be just friends. (This way readers like us will also have good stories too, which is a bonus.)

This is important!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We must use all the exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, just so you know, I am not trying to hate on romantic love. I think romantic love is very important too. That is another thing society is trying to crush; the strength of being in love; The strength of a marriage. Society has this twisted idea that if you fight a few times, if you have big, bad fights, if you have one, maybe three or even five years of hard times, you should give up on your marriage even if it means walking away from the person who made you see stars where there weren't any. It's sad. Because if those couples would just persevere through the hard times, they would see their love grow stronger and better. (This might become another blog post, because this subject is highly important also.) True Love and Marriage needs to be saved, just as much as friendship does.

Clint and Laura

For example; Clint and Laura are the only recent couple I can think of (in cinema and popular stories in general) that really brought to the table what it is to have a good marriage - complete with children, a home, and a deep, emotionally romantic friendship. (Like... Laura being pregnant made my day.)

Clint's kids were the cutest 8-)

If you are a writer like me who values friendship, if you are like me and value platonic love, if you value morals and good old fashion decency, please put your pen to some paper and use write to death!!! Write friendship stories to shake society. Write brother stories to shock the fandom. Write brother/sister/sisters stories as a way of saying, "No, you can love without being in love!" Write father/daughter stories, Father/Son stories, Mother/Daughter, Mother/Son stories. Write Mommies and Daddies who don't get divorced,  but fight for their marriage. Write family stories, because right now that is what the world has forgotten about, that is what the world is trying to kill. We need to save it!!

WHAT LILO AND STITCH SAID!



This is my message to writers at large! If you be like me.... write! Write until your wrists cramp and your fingers are sore. Write, write, write, never stop writing.

I was actually thinking of doing a writers camp for people like me, conservatives who love platonic love and actually remember that there should be morality involved in life choices.

What are you thoughts?



*Swings around cape and leaps off stage*




Bella

Friday, June 10, 2016

Dreaming is in my nature.


I randomly decided to change my blog layout again. This probably won't last, and I'll probably do some more tweaking, but I love wishing flowers so I thought, what the heck?

I felt creative. I needed to move something around. My blog didn't seem to be quite me.

Why this particular layout, you might ask?

Well, For the past few weeks I have been itching to do something different. Not just wanting, but needing. I realized that those of us living today have been dealt a pretty poor hand. The world is in bad shape, but I think if we can all be strong for just a little while, things might be okay. Maybe they won't ever be perfect. I hardly expect them to be. But we can make moments that will at least be happy ones, ones to hang on to. This blog was started so that I could have a happy place to explore my dreams, and that is what I want to get back to.



For me the idea of a weed that is also a wish is a giant source of comfort, like a lost cause that can be turned into a great gain, or a failure that can be turned into success. I especially love that the Wishing Flower doesn't really have a name. It's just that flower you make a wish on. It's a type of dandelion, but does it have it's own name? No. It's that flower you make a wish on, and that's about as specific as you can get. I love the Wishing Flower. I think it looks like magic on a stem.

There is a famous saying; Always follow your dreams.

I decided to put an emphasis on the fact that dreams is actually plural, which means you don't have to have just one dream.

This is amazing news, since I am the queen of Too Many Dreams to Accomplish.

I decided to do a tag, one I created. I'm not going to tag anyone else. If you want to you can do this, but you don't have to. It's mostly for me.




Rules:

Answer the Questions.
List some of your dreams.
Mention three things that inspire you.
List ways that other people might be encouraged.
Post one song that helps you feel happy.

Questions:

What is one thing you wish could be different in your life or situation right now?

I am actually pretty happy right now.  know it's crazy, but I am, in fact, pretty okay.

What is one thing you wish you could change?

Uhm... I wish I could be closer to all my friends and family, like, maybe a coffee shop away.

Is there anything that you've always wanted to do but haven't because you're too scared?

Yes. I want to do storytelling, but it freaks me out. I have this accent and it make me R's sound funny. In fact, my whole voice has a strange sort of tint to it. So I'm sort of scared to talk like that in public.

What is one thing you wish you could experience?

A Broadway Show live.  Also, a Mass for the soldiers in WW2.

Is there anything you want to experiment with right now? (Style, looks, living arrangement, goals, etc.)

Yes! I have been thinking about getting my hair cut. *Cue wailing and aggressive fears.* I want to see if there is other things I can do with my whole look in general, because I feel like I need a change. You know?

What is one thing you can see yourself going after long-term?

Story time for little kids. Complete with costumes and funny voices.

List of Dreams:

Dream One: Do some stage acting. Even if it's just as a hobby. I want to act. It makes me happy. I would like to pursue musical theatre as my main outlet, but Shakespear and other stuff is also a yes.

Dream Two: Write multiple books with friendship stories. Emphasis on friendship. This I feel is an obligation as well as a dream, because the world is turning it's back on platonic love, and platonic love is the best.

Dream Three: Learn to write short stories for kids so I can have story times with little' ones.  Like, I want a "Bella's Story Time" complete with fun costumes and stuff. And I want to read all the stories I grew up on as a kid, because those stories shouldn't DIE OUT. This dream also links with the Story Teller Dream.

Dream Four: Be a Storyteller. No books. No script. Just tell a story, like a bard. This is a dying art and it needs to be saved. I don't know if I'm gifted enough, but if I am I'd like to help save it.

Dream Five: Learn to freaking dance.

Dream Six:  Go to Italy, especially Rome, and visit all the old chapels and Historical Catholic landmarks.

Dream Seven: Go to Germany and try their chocolate.

Dream Eight: To maybe have some sort of "Daycare" of something, where kids who can't go home after school can hang out and have fun.

Three things that inspire me.

First:  Olan Roger. I know this seems funny, but Olan Rogers has been a huge inspiration to me lately. He is an incredibly gifted man with a ton of potential, and he is making his dreams come true. He gives me hope that, as dorky as I am, I can accomplish some of mine too.

Second: My friends and family, who have always been very encouraging when it comes to what I want.

Third: Music. Music inspires me more than anything else.  It can help me get almost anything done.




To anyone out there, I'd like to say a few words of encouragement. I know how freaking hard it is to live in this world. Trust me, I'm am learning more and more every day that to live in this world is a heavy burden. You have to fight for everything. Nothing is easy, and there are going to be a lot of barriers in your way. What I would like from all of you dreamers out there is to hold onto your dreams WITH BOTH HANDS, and never, never let go. It is easy to give up on dreams in our society. The whole world demands that you be yourself, and "Let your inner star shine!" but when you try to obey, you find there are lots of, "But not like that," and, "No, you have to do this another way," and, "Change your beliefs, you stubborn person!" It isn't easy to be yourself in our world. That is why it is so important to be strong and be yourself in spades.

Read books that make you feel brave. Listen to songs/music that make you feel better about life in genereal. (I strongly recommend Il Vollo, and the Script.) Read about people that inspire you. Watch movies and shows that will encourage you to be the best version of yourself. Make a list of "Things to do," and just go after them. Remember that you don't have to be a huge success. You don't have to be center stage. You don't have to be the next big thing. What you do can be on the side, even a hobby, but at least you are doing it. Just do what makes you happy, and don't care how much money you make or how successful you are. Just be happy. No matter what happens in life, do what makes you happy and let the chips fall where they may. There is so little we have control of in this world. The fact that we can control our outlook, we can control what we do and how we do it, is a very comforting thing. We can help ourselves in little ways, whether with writing, art, music, careers, or new homes.

Remember that with God's help, all things are possible.

I will leave you with a song that seems to echo this subject well.
Some call dreamers mad. Others say dreamers are useless, that they imagine their life away. I believe that dreamers, real dreamers, Dreamers that believe with their whole heart and soul, are something rare and special, something to be protected. True Dreamers are magicians. Dreamers are people mad enough to try. Dreamers are optimists. Dreamers hold on to hope. Dreamers never give up.

I am a dreamer. Are there any who will dream with me?

Peace out y'all!


*swings around cape and leaps off stage*



Bella

Pile of good things

Pile of good things