This is how its been the past week. Though usually I am able to force out a at least a little something. There was only one night when I didn't write anything period. I tried. I did. But my brain felt like soggy newspaper and I wrote the same sentence like ten times and deleted it each time. I had no oomph, no inspiration and I think I was just burnt out. I was tired. I hadn't been sleeping well for most of the week and I think I killed a couple brain cells doing too much math. I just couldn't. Of course none of my characters have been very understanding. They're pretty angry I've been neglecting them these last few days, especially considering our deadline. They don't like me being lazy. And basically the wont leave me alone.
WRITE FOR US!
I'm trying to do math!
WRITE FOR US!
I'M TRYING TO MAKE DINNER!
WRITE FOR US!!
I'm trying to make cookies!
WRITE FOR US!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am trying to cope with Bucky feels, leave me ALONE!!!
Look. I have things to DO. Understand? (like chores and school?? HELLO??) the last thing I need is an angry mob of characters. They keep me up at night too. They wont stop talking to me. Giving me scenes to write. Like, seriously?? Its 1:00 in the MORNING! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???
I don't think this month has been a loss either though. I have done more writing this month than I have done in a very long time. I know where I am at and where I'm going. I have written some hard chapters and cried over some hard scenes. I've made myself write and that is a big step for me. because writing is such a delicate subject for me. And For the longest time I didn't think I was a writer. And I didn't want to write. So this had been a really good thing for me. And I would like to thank all those lovely people who commented encouragingly on my snippets and made me feel special. That was very kind of you and they really made my day. I think I've made some real progress and I'm optimistic. And I wont stop writing just because May is over. I am going to finish this book, dang it, if only for my buddy Jim who has been so patient waiting for me to get my act together and poking me friendly-like to help me along. (Thank you, buddy. You are brilliant.) I will try and post another snippet before the 7th. I promise. *hugs*
Also there is a little upside all this writing and hassle has had. I've discovered two new songs. They are the songs I listen to when I'm feeling especially depressed while writing and need spark. Well... I have an assortment, but these two are my Go-to songs. I plug my headphones in and listen to them on full blast, slowly kill myself with the lyrics. For some reason sad music helps with writing pain.
Seriously. The lyrics to this song are so sad and so unique. They makes me ache inside. Especially when it says, You build me up and then I fall apart. For some reason that line really affects me. It makes me think of tragedy and loss and betrayal. And it hurts but it helps. Especially with Tyson. I think Tyson ... Tyson has really grown on me. I think I might love him. And the that line, it reminds me a lot of him.
I can Fake a Smile. I can force a laugh.
I can dance and play the part if that's what you ask
Give you all I am
and for some reason, this quote feels very much like Tyson and Peregrine. I actually think part two of my book is going to be more greatly focused on then the others. Especially because of the... something that happens at the end of the book. Tyson has become quite an interesting character all around and the more I learn about him the worse I feel for him. I want to hug him and make all the pain go away.
But I'm only human.
And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
and I crash and I break down!
This ... THIS. This is like, EVERY ONE of my characters. Especially Peregrine and Annie. That line of lyrics, it makes me think of so many characters, so many broken souls. And I almost feel ashamed to be putting my own characters in the same category as Bucky or Sam or Dean or Arthur. But I can't help it. Its a very Peregrine line, Okay?? The poor kid has too much on his shoulders. I actually think part two of my book is going to be better. Now that I've really set up something and I know what I want. Hehehe. Here I am, talking about part two and part one isn't even done yet.
This is how I encouraged myself. "Tolkien made it. It took him fourteen years but he made it! I've only been writing - really writing - a month. I CAN MAKE IT!!!!
I laughed and then I cried.
That brings me to the other song which has helped inspire writing. Its called Mercy by Hurts. This song.... Okay. It is a little weird. I will be the first to admit that. It is definitely an acquired taste. The first time I heard it I wasn't wildly keen on it. It was too loud and too much. But slowly it started growing on me and I got to like it a lot. And then I saw it to Sam and Dean.... and I sort of have been listening to it on repeat ever since. I especially like the M! E! R! C! Y!!!! Bit. It invigorates me! Yes. I am a freak. Do not Judge.
I liked it so much I made a multifandom video to it. Watch it. Its very good. But it does have spoilers from... everything. Just FYI. If you like it the subscribe button is always nice. I like that button :)
And with that I am off! I have a friend over and we are going to have Pizza and watching something and I need to get off. God bless and have a wonderful night!!
*Slides of car*